No. Just...no.

[sessifet]

Nuclear Death Your exact death odds: 128% NUCLEAR - - 118% BIOLOGICAL - - 53% CONVENTIONAL

The above graph represents your relative likelihoods of death in a terrorist attack, based on all the questions you answered. TO REDUCE CHANCE OF NUCLEAR ATTACK - Avoid large cities (especially political or financial centers) at all costs - Avoid extremely large sporting events - Avoid suburbs of extreme large cities TO REDUCE CONVENTIONAL DEATH ODDS: - Avoid buses and subways - Avoid suspicious people - Avoid establishments owned by targeted groups - Profile people racially TO REDUCE BIO RISK: - Avoid contact with other people - Avoid contact with lots of mail (think: Anthrax) - Avoid drinking tap water. This test sponsored by DasaniTM.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 81% on nuclear You scored higher than 46% on biological You scored higher than 16% on conventional

Link: The Terrorism Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Some choice questions:

10. Do you usually shake hands with people when you meet up with them?
Yes. Call me old fashioned if you will, but I was raised properly. What do you do? Hit them with big sticks? Jab them with a handy fork? Or do you run away screaming 'Argh! The germs!!!'?

11. Do you kiss on the cheek when greeting some of your friends?
No, I clonk them over the head with a big oak branch and I drag them off to my cage to have my wicked way with them. So much more hygienic.

14. How many people do you live with? Isolation is crucial when the bubonic plague (v2.0) is released.
Oh. I didn't know v2.0 was already out. Beta version? With added bugs^^^features? Where can I download it?

16. Are you a doctor, nurse, EMT, medic, Red Cross volunteer, or other people-helper? If so, you could get fucked.
Why, I had no idea you had thing for doctors, nurses, EMTs, medics, Red Cross volunteers, people-helpers. But if I may suggest something? Start with dinner and a movie. Don't try to go too far on your first date.

'To Reduce' gems:

TO REDUCE CONVENTIONAL DEATH ODDS:

Ohohohoh. Don't tell me...er...I know this one! Er...no. I don't. Tell me, how do I reduce conventional death odds? I thought the whole point of death was that it's certain.

- Avoid buses and subways
I'm fucked.
- Avoid suspicious people
You mean that homeless guy I run into every time I go to the city? The one standing on the corner of the street mumbling to himself, and telling people 'The bugs are coming!'? I usually give him a cup of coffee and a sandwich.
- Avoid establishments owned by targeted groups
Yerwha?
- Profile people racially
Ooooh-kay. Nope, I still can't think of a suitable thing to say.

TO REDUCE BIO RISK:

- Avoid contact with other people
Gotcha. I'll go and retreat in my cave now, mmmkay?
- Avoid contact with lots of mail (think: Anthrax)
Okay, I will.

There, I'm thinking about it. Now what?

Wait. Is this like the purple rhinoceros game?

- Avoid drinking tap water.
I like tap water. But if you want to fill the world with plastic bottles, go ahead. Maybe you can use them to line the concrete bunker you're building in case of a nuclear strike.

Comments

[ahruman.livejournal.com]

So 19% of people your age have a 128% or greater risk of dying by nuclear attack?

Does the result mean that you will definitely die in a combined nuclear and biological attack (?) which may well also involve conventional weapons?

And isn’t the C in ABC/NBC “chemical” rather than “conventional”? What happened to good old mustard gas and sarin?

[the-hatstand.livejournal.com]

Gotta love the fact that the lines Avoid drinking tap water and This test sponsored by Dasani™ were right next to eachother.

(click here for The great Dasani scandal of 2004)

[sessifet25.livejournal.com]

Heh. Had't even noticed that.