![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I may never walk properly again...
Apr. 7th, 2006 04:18 pmIt all started when I looked out my first story window, and saw sheep in my neighbour's back garden. I wasn't really paying attention, so I just thought 'Sheep. Lambs too.' and got back to writing. It wasn't until my brain started poking me that I realised there was something amiss. So I look again, and yes, those are sheep. Lambs too. In my neighbour's back garden. Where he grows vegetables.
So I wander outside, because dude! Sheep! In my neighbour's vegetable garden! Not something you see everyday (sheep, yes, but not sheep in my neighbour's back garden. Lambs too.)
After a few minutes, my neighbour returns with the sheep's owner. Turns out some eejit cut open his fence, and now all the ewes and lambs are roaming free (about 80 in total). I offer to help round them up, because with 80 sheep loose, you need all the help you can get.
I team up with two guys. They'll herd the ewes (lambs are sure to follow), and I'll pick up any stray lambs and deposit them in the field. Sounds simple, no? It's not. Oh, it was fairly easy rounding up the majority, but you always have some sheep who will wander off into narrow passages and shrubbery and stay there until kingdom come. And getting all those rounded up took over an hour.
You try to be as gentle as possible, and not freak the animals out, but after stalking a very stubborn and protective ewe for 20 minutes and not her getting any closer to the field, you'll forgive me for grabbing the lamb when it wandered in my reach. I figured that as soon as I had the lamb, mum would follow me to the field. Which she did...in a way...after a short delay.
Oh, just as an aside: let me tell you, if I ever meet the guy who came up with 'Like lambs to the slaughter' I will punch him in the face. Lambs are not docile creatures. Especially not when mum is at the other side of the shrubbery baaing her silly head off. Holding a lamb while it's desperately trying to get to where mum is, is an exercise in frustration and ducking. Also, it's an excellent way to get sheep shit smeared in interesting places.
And another thing, lambs are not soft and fluffy. They're animated sacks of bones covered in wire wool with a kick that would put a mule to shame.
Anyway. I grab the lamb, and eventually, after much bleating, the ewe decides to get out the shrubbery and starts following me. At a run. So here I am, with a squirming lamb in my arms, and a pissed off ewe chasing me. I'm not running though, because of the aforementioned squirming bundle of bones and wool bleating in my left ear. I'm also not dropping it. So I settle for being headbutted in the knees every 20 seconds while I slowly walk to the field. Fortunately the owner saw me coming and rescued me from enraged mum.
All the sheep are now rounded up, the fence has been fixed, the hunt for the eejit is on, and everyone bragged about how difficult their assigned sheep were while enjoying a cold beer. And now I'm sitting at home after having taken two showers already, and still smelling of sheep.
So I wander outside, because dude! Sheep! In my neighbour's vegetable garden! Not something you see everyday (sheep, yes, but not sheep in my neighbour's back garden. Lambs too.)
After a few minutes, my neighbour returns with the sheep's owner. Turns out some eejit cut open his fence, and now all the ewes and lambs are roaming free (about 80 in total). I offer to help round them up, because with 80 sheep loose, you need all the help you can get.
I team up with two guys. They'll herd the ewes (lambs are sure to follow), and I'll pick up any stray lambs and deposit them in the field. Sounds simple, no? It's not. Oh, it was fairly easy rounding up the majority, but you always have some sheep who will wander off into narrow passages and shrubbery and stay there until kingdom come. And getting all those rounded up took over an hour.
You try to be as gentle as possible, and not freak the animals out, but after stalking a very stubborn and protective ewe for 20 minutes and not her getting any closer to the field, you'll forgive me for grabbing the lamb when it wandered in my reach. I figured that as soon as I had the lamb, mum would follow me to the field. Which she did...in a way...after a short delay.
Oh, just as an aside: let me tell you, if I ever meet the guy who came up with 'Like lambs to the slaughter' I will punch him in the face. Lambs are not docile creatures. Especially not when mum is at the other side of the shrubbery baaing her silly head off. Holding a lamb while it's desperately trying to get to where mum is, is an exercise in frustration and ducking. Also, it's an excellent way to get sheep shit smeared in interesting places.
And another thing, lambs are not soft and fluffy. They're animated sacks of bones covered in wire wool with a kick that would put a mule to shame.
Anyway. I grab the lamb, and eventually, after much bleating, the ewe decides to get out the shrubbery and starts following me. At a run. So here I am, with a squirming lamb in my arms, and a pissed off ewe chasing me. I'm not running though, because of the aforementioned squirming bundle of bones and wool bleating in my left ear. I'm also not dropping it. So I settle for being headbutted in the knees every 20 seconds while I slowly walk to the field. Fortunately the owner saw me coming and rescued me from enraged mum.
All the sheep are now rounded up, the fence has been fixed, the hunt for the eejit is on, and everyone bragged about how difficult their assigned sheep were while enjoying a cold beer. And now I'm sitting at home after having taken two showers already, and still smelling of sheep.
