'tis the season....

[sessifet]

I went to Groningen earlier today, and decided it was so nice outside that I'd sit outside with my hot chocolate. I was by no means the only one, and most certainly not the oddest one in the bunch. Imagine my surprise when I'm accosted by a police officer who informs me that there have been complaints about my (and I quote) 'inappropriate behaviour'.

Cue me going 'Guh?'

I know full well that I'm odd, but behaving inappropriately? I'm just sitting outside on some steps, enjoying the occasional bit of sunshine and writing my local christmas card list. So I ask him if he's not mistaken and doesn't he mean that loveydovey couple over there playing tonsil hockey and something that looks a lot like a game of Hunt the other Testicle?

Nope. It's me he's after. *joy*

So, erm, am I sitting where it's not allowed?
Nope. It was my book. My book! I was apparently reading inappropriate literature, and thus behaving inappropriately.

I look at my book.

It is a nice book. It has a nice picture of Gandalf on the front. It is not a naked Gandalf. It is not a Gandalf teaching one of the Hobbits his pointy hat trick. It is not a Gandalf having hot consensual sex with a random member of the Fellowship. No. For this is a polite Gandalf. (pity)

And I show it to the police officer, who also doesn't seem to have any problems with my polite Gandalf. But evidently someone thinks a Maia in grey robes and a pointy hat is inappropriate, and is not afraid to point this out. So yes, I had some suspicions at that point. And they are very quickly confirmed.

Yes, this poor police officer has been sent over to waste his and my time by a group of religious twits. He apologises for bothering me and takes his leave. And all's well that ends well...

Except not.

The random Fundie Crazies have been watching us, and, seeing as I have not been clapped in irons, they decide to take matters into their own hands. And before I know it I'm surrounded by denizens from Planet Fundie Nut, talking about how I am tarnishing my immortal soul, and how it is in grave danger of being corrupted by the evilness of Gandalf (it must be the pointy hat trick). But, joy of joys, they are here to save my immortal soul! *glee*

Normally I have no problems with that. I either tell them I'm not interested, or I start up a discussion. Always fun. But, and this is important, I have not taken my happy whee fun pills (i.e. painkillers). Because, you know, happy whee painfree is nice, but I have a rule: only one penis with teeth a week. It's a harsh rule, but we all have to make sacrifices sometimes.

As a result, my finger is throbbing like mad, I have a nagging headache in my right eyeball, and my girlie bits are staging a revolt. In fact, they appear to have won and are throwing a party down there and everyone is invited. And they're conga-ing. And swinging off the chandeliers. In short, I am not in a particularly good head space today.

So I tell them I'm not interested. A couple of times. But, they persist. One of them is waving religious tracks at me, another is seriously attempting to remove my left eye with his crucifix, since he's waving it here there and everywhere, and the third one keeps wanting to put his hands upon me to bless me. Fun.

Yes, my immortal soul is very important, therefore they ignore the fact that my mortal coil is about to punch their mortal coil in the face. Fortunately it didn't come to that, because at that point the nice police officer wandered past and I decided to take the coward's way out and call for help. At which point they ran like the devil was on their heels.

So. I had a fun day. I have come to the conclusion that I am magnet for religious nuts. They always go for me. If anyone can tell me how to shut it off, I'd be ever so grateful.

Comments

[perdita-x.livejournal.com]

I'll tell you if you tell me how to stop the drunk, crazies sitting next to me on the train.. and no I don't mean Kian..

[the-hatstand.livejournal.com]

It's never happened to me, but if it did my first inclination would be to point and stare at them like the Wrath of God(tm) while intoning "Ash nazg durbatuluk, Ash nazg gimbatul, Ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul!" repeatedly.

[sessifet25.livejournal.com]

Hee :)

[flexor.livejournal.com]

Naur an edraith ammen! Naur dan-i ngaurhoth!, surely? And if that doesn't help, say hello to Mr. Flamethrower.

[alicephilippa.livejournal.com]

I did once open the door to the JW's with a copy of Crowleys Magick in my hand. I've never seen them leave so quickly.

A.

[arwen-lune.livejournal.com]

Christ on a tricycle. If you hadn't mentioned location I would have assumed you were on holiday in the deepest, darkest pits of the Bible Belt. This is really shocking. (especially the fact that they actually *touched* you - talking at you, okay. But this? Fucking hell..)

Do you have Cthulhu armbands? Maybe you should wear some and start changing Cthulhu! Cthulhu! next time. You never know, it might help.

[st-lemur.livejournal.com]

eep. *hug*

[sir-quirky-k.livejournal.com]

And I thought .nl was a relatively liberal nation. *eep!*

[sessifet25.livejournal.com]

It is.

However, in recent years the denizens from Planet Fundie Nut have come to feel that they're integrated into Dutch society enough to be able to go out in public.

In all seriousness, though, it's still a rather liberal country, but as with every other country we get more and more of these people. It's all to do with fear, I think.

[ahruman.livejournal.com]

…penis with teeth?