More notes to cats
Jun. 8th, 2007 08:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sessifetYou had gooshy food. I don't care it's not the right kind of gooshy food. You ate it anyway, even though you complained all the while.
Yollie, you're a cat, for Glod's sake. Why do you insist on joining me in the shower? Also, stop trying to eat my Sonic Death Monkey.
No, I will not open a new can just because you feel this one isn't quite up to scratch. And believe me, if you keep whining at me, there will never be any gooshy food ever again, you hear?
No! This can does not contain your food. It's got beer in it. Go away.
Me opening the fridge does not mean you can just leap in. Get your furry arse out of the fridge, or I swear I'll dump you in the pond.
My chineefoo.
No eating my assignment.
Get away from the chicken coop. I know you won't do anything to them, but they don't. Stop freaking them out. Go catch some flies or something.
Stop dribbling at the chickens.
Odie? Why are you inside my pillow case?
No dribbling on my keyboard.
Right. I get it. Both of you are mighty hunters. I'm very proud of you. Now could you please stop leaving assorted dead animals on the doorstep?
Yes. Dragonflies are animals. Really, they are. Look it up some time.
It is warm and stuffy. This means the bedroom door is open. This means you can just stroll right in. So why do both of you feel the need to wail at me from the doorstep at 5 o'clock in the gods-be-damned morning?
Oh for...look, I sometimes need to get up at night to go to the bathroom, okay? This involves putting my feet on the floor. Yes, there are toes attached to my feet. Yes, they wriggle in an interesting manner. No, this does not mean you are allowed to pounce them. In fact, there is a rule in this house, remember? "No pouncing toes." If you ignore this rule, don't be surprised if you find yourself airborne and heading in the direction of the nearest wall.
Get off my bum.
Get off my face.
No pouncing me when I'm asleep!
Yes, there are dangling bits attached to this piece of cloth. Yes, they dangle back and forth. Mesmerising, isn't it? Don't attack the shiny dangling bits. No seriously, don't. Don't you dare...Oh gods. Happy now? You've nearly made me flash another innocent bystander today.
Get off my head.
Why are you eating that worm? Because it's there. I see. Right. I should have guessed. Carry on.
No leaving baby hares on my pillow.
Or dead mice in the bloody bathtub. (Literally. Ick.)
Or dead birds in the damn living room!
What do you mean "It's not dead"?
Oh my.
Okay. Scratch that rule. No birds in the house, period.
In fact, make it "No bringing animals into this house."
That bloody well includes bloody moles on my bloody keyboard, you overgrown fluffy maniac! If I catch you, I'm going to hop in the nearest time machine, travel back in time and sell you to the first violin maker I meet, do you hear me? Twit.
Yollie, you're a cat, for Glod's sake. Why do you insist on joining me in the shower? Also, stop trying to eat my Sonic Death Monkey.
No, I will not open a new can just because you feel this one isn't quite up to scratch. And believe me, if you keep whining at me, there will never be any gooshy food ever again, you hear?
No! This can does not contain your food. It's got beer in it. Go away.
Me opening the fridge does not mean you can just leap in. Get your furry arse out of the fridge, or I swear I'll dump you in the pond.
My chineefoo.
No eating my assignment.
Get away from the chicken coop. I know you won't do anything to them, but they don't. Stop freaking them out. Go catch some flies or something.
Stop dribbling at the chickens.
Odie? Why are you inside my pillow case?
No dribbling on my keyboard.
Right. I get it. Both of you are mighty hunters. I'm very proud of you. Now could you please stop leaving assorted dead animals on the doorstep?
Yes. Dragonflies are animals. Really, they are. Look it up some time.
It is warm and stuffy. This means the bedroom door is open. This means you can just stroll right in. So why do both of you feel the need to wail at me from the doorstep at 5 o'clock in the gods-be-damned morning?
Oh for...look, I sometimes need to get up at night to go to the bathroom, okay? This involves putting my feet on the floor. Yes, there are toes attached to my feet. Yes, they wriggle in an interesting manner. No, this does not mean you are allowed to pounce them. In fact, there is a rule in this house, remember? "No pouncing toes." If you ignore this rule, don't be surprised if you find yourself airborne and heading in the direction of the nearest wall.
Get off my bum.
Get off my face.
No pouncing me when I'm asleep!
Yes, there are dangling bits attached to this piece of cloth. Yes, they dangle back and forth. Mesmerising, isn't it? Don't attack the shiny dangling bits. No seriously, don't. Don't you dare...Oh gods. Happy now? You've nearly made me flash another innocent bystander today.
Get off my head.
Why are you eating that worm? Because it's there. I see. Right. I should have guessed. Carry on.
No leaving baby hares on my pillow.
Or dead mice in the bloody bathtub. (Literally. Ick.)
Or dead birds in the damn living room!
What do you mean "It's not dead"?
Oh my.
Okay. Scratch that rule. No birds in the house, period.
In fact, make it "No bringing animals into this house."
That bloody well includes bloody moles on my bloody keyboard, you overgrown fluffy maniac! If I catch you, I'm going to hop in the nearest time machine, travel back in time and sell you to the first violin maker I meet, do you hear me? Twit.
