Dear universe

While I was away for a short while, it seems that you have taken it upon yourself to inflict creative evils on the ones I love. I strongly object to this course of action, especially considering none of the aforementioned evils were ever covered in our original agreement (hang on, they were. I believe you'll find them under 'Things Not To Do') and I don't recall you suggesting we re-negotiate.

I am disappointed in you, dear friend. I have always kept my side of the bargain. I've never complained (more than was agreed upon as acceptable) and have always tried to be a good person. And you, in return, get to have your fun playing tricks on me, but you leave the loved ones alone. I definitely remember that bit being central to our agreement.

So unless you are up for a couple of intense rounds of talks about our current contract (and believe me, my negotiation skills have increased significantly in the 25 years since our last deal), I suggest you stop messing around before it gets personal.

In other words: you bloody well stop this right here and now before I hunt you down and do unspeakable things to you with a rusty ice skate, okay?

Right. We good?

Good.

Always a pleasure dealing with you.

Love,

Me

Dear universe

While I was away for a short while, it seems that you have taken it upon yourself to inflict creative evils on the ones I love. I strongly object to this course of action, especially considering none of the aforementioned evils were ever covered in our original agreement (hang on, they were. I believe you'll find them under 'Things Not To Do') and I don't recall you suggesting we re-negotiate.

I am disappointed in you, dear friend. I have always kept my side of the bargain. I've never complained (more than was agreed upon as acceptable) and have always tried to be a good person. And you, in return, get to have your fun playing tricks on me, but you leave the loved ones alone. I definitely remember that bit being central to our agreement.

So unless you are up for a couple of intense rounds of talks about our current contract (and believe me, my negotiation skills have increased significantly in the 25 years since our last deal), I suggest you stop messing around before it gets personal.

In other words: you bloody well stop this right here and now before I hunt you down and do unspeakable things to you with a rusty ice skate, okay?

Right. We good?

Good.

Always a pleasure dealing with you.

Love,

Me