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On weird days and progress - Day 8
Jan. 27th, 2014 09:33 amI went to bed on Saturday feeling very down and tired. I spent three hours or so in a large and boisterous group of people, which is always tiring, but right now apparently drains me completely.
I woke up on Sunday feeling down (but not tired, so that's a win) and it pretty much stayed that way until I turned right into whiny territory around 15:00. By the time I went to bed, however, I'd pretty much become the cheerful me I remember from...er...mid 2012? That's not the normal progression for me these days. I wake up down and I go to bed worse. I wake up okay, I go to bed worse. No matter how I start the morning, I go to bed feeling worse so yesterday's reversal felt deeply odd.
I did have a moment yesterday where I could tell I would normally have been sobbing*, but I only teared up a bit and then it was over. It felt almost like calm was being imposed from the outside. Not sure how I feel about that now, but I was grateful for it yesterday.
It's also getting more difficult to brood. I can still do it if I set my mind to it, but I have to put more effort into it and I'm more easily distracted by shiny things.
It's still an effort to fall asleep and some nights it's worse than others, but I have fewer nightmares, more weird narrative dreams (last night, I took President Jed Bartlet out for an adventure) and generally wake up feeling like a human being**.
So a week on from starting the meds, I'm getting fewer side effects (only occasional dizziness and headache) and can start saying I'm feeling the benefits. Of course, knowing my luck that means this week my eyeballs will explode and the cats will start whispering to me in my sleep.
So, onwards and slightly more upwards.
* Talk about a sign something's not right - using the word "normally" and "sobbing" in that sentence.
** Albeit one with wonky brain chemistry.
I woke up on Sunday feeling down (but not tired, so that's a win) and it pretty much stayed that way until I turned right into whiny territory around 15:00. By the time I went to bed, however, I'd pretty much become the cheerful me I remember from...er...mid 2012? That's not the normal progression for me these days. I wake up down and I go to bed worse. I wake up okay, I go to bed worse. No matter how I start the morning, I go to bed feeling worse so yesterday's reversal felt deeply odd.
I did have a moment yesterday where I could tell I would normally have been sobbing*, but I only teared up a bit and then it was over. It felt almost like calm was being imposed from the outside. Not sure how I feel about that now, but I was grateful for it yesterday.
It's also getting more difficult to brood. I can still do it if I set my mind to it, but I have to put more effort into it and I'm more easily distracted by shiny things.
It's still an effort to fall asleep and some nights it's worse than others, but I have fewer nightmares, more weird narrative dreams (last night, I took President Jed Bartlet out for an adventure) and generally wake up feeling like a human being**.
So a week on from starting the meds, I'm getting fewer side effects (only occasional dizziness and headache) and can start saying I'm feeling the benefits. Of course, knowing my luck that means this week my eyeballs will explode and the cats will start whispering to me in my sleep.
So, onwards and slightly more upwards.
* Talk about a sign something's not right - using the word "normally" and "sobbing" in that sentence.
** Albeit one with wonky brain chemistry.
