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sessifet1. I am not allowed to take the suggestion 'Do all that is possible to resolve this fault': a) seriously, b) at face value or c) to be a direct order.
2a. I am not allowed to send a ticket back with notes stating that 'CRC errors are over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaand!'.
b. No, not even if they are.
3. The hamster socket dance was only funny once.
4. A proactive and interested attitude towards fault resolution is encouraged. This does not mean I should say 'Ooooh, that's really broken,' in such a gleeful tone of voice.
5a 'Nifty! I wonder what it does if I do this?' is not necessarily the best way to introduce new resellers to the way we do business.
b. Nor is 'Press it and see what happens'.
6a. 'Do the needful' when working a fault does not involve: lunch, going for a smoke break, going to the bathroom, get coffee or do the hamster socket danceSee point 3.
b. I am encouraged to take a narrower view of the meaning of words.
c. Not quite that narrow.
7. Pimping music at coworkers is fine. I am encouraged, however, to pimp less earwormy music.
8. When queried about looking at non-work related things at work by the department's boss' boss, it might be advisable not to take the question 'Found something interesting, then?' as an invitation to glee about how Portuguese Man o' War are siphonophores and then explain what a siphonophore actually is. If only because it is bad form to let them know that you can outgeek them without even trying.
9. I should not try to get coworkers to pronounce any of the following: 'uiensoep', 'rats, kuch en bonen' or 'Groningen'. In fact, anything that makes the entire data support team sound like they've got a bad case of the whooping cough is discouraged.
10. Strong language is discouraged. Just because those around me don't know what the words mean does not mean they can't pick up the general gist of it.
11a. While not discouraged from singing, humming, or whistling along to music, I am encouraged to do this after the people who've had their sense of humour and fun surgically removed have gone home.
b) Even then, singing along to Jonathan Coulton's First of May is really not a good idea.
12. Sharing food is good. Bringing in shared goodies is really appreciated. However, I may want to remember that bringing in Gü's Rocky Road bites causes the entire department to forget why they are in the office. This is not ideal during the busiest time of day.
13. 'Arsebiscuits' is a disturbing swearword. I may want to find another one.
14. No hamster socket dance.
15. 'Fuckbunnies' isn't a whole lot better.
16. Do not forget to stop wearing the deely-boppers when we've got reseller agents coming to see what fault resolution looks like from this side.
17. While internal notes are allowed to be geeky, it is advisable to check if the note you're writing is internal or not. There will be no mutterings about 'fault tracker is still dead'. There will be mutterings about 'fault tracker still shagged'.
18. The proper response to someone consistently getting your name wrong is not calling them by a different name every time you take them off hold. Even though it is really funny.
19. The appropriate response to someone being a chauvinistic fuck is not to...actually, scratch that. When encountering a chauvinistic fuck of any description, I am to deal with them in any way that I see fit. As long as I remain professional.
20. We really mean it about the dance.
2a. I am not allowed to send a ticket back with notes stating that 'CRC errors are over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaand!'.
b. No, not even if they are.
3. The hamster socket dance was only funny once.
4. A proactive and interested attitude towards fault resolution is encouraged. This does not mean I should say 'Ooooh, that's really broken,' in such a gleeful tone of voice.
5a 'Nifty! I wonder what it does if I do this?' is not necessarily the best way to introduce new resellers to the way we do business.
b. Nor is 'Press it and see what happens'.
6a. 'Do the needful' when working a fault does not involve: lunch, going for a smoke break, going to the bathroom, get coffee or do the hamster socket danceSee point 3.
b. I am encouraged to take a narrower view of the meaning of words.
c. Not quite that narrow.
7. Pimping music at coworkers is fine. I am encouraged, however, to pimp less earwormy music.
8. When queried about looking at non-work related things at work by the department's boss' boss, it might be advisable not to take the question 'Found something interesting, then?' as an invitation to glee about how Portuguese Man o' War are siphonophores and then explain what a siphonophore actually is. If only because it is bad form to let them know that you can outgeek them without even trying.
9. I should not try to get coworkers to pronounce any of the following: 'uiensoep', 'rats, kuch en bonen' or 'Groningen'. In fact, anything that makes the entire data support team sound like they've got a bad case of the whooping cough is discouraged.
10. Strong language is discouraged. Just because those around me don't know what the words mean does not mean they can't pick up the general gist of it.
11a. While not discouraged from singing, humming, or whistling along to music, I am encouraged to do this after the people who've had their sense of humour and fun surgically removed have gone home.
b) Even then, singing along to Jonathan Coulton's First of May is really not a good idea.
12. Sharing food is good. Bringing in shared goodies is really appreciated. However, I may want to remember that bringing in Gü's Rocky Road bites causes the entire department to forget why they are in the office. This is not ideal during the busiest time of day.
13. 'Arsebiscuits' is a disturbing swearword. I may want to find another one.
14. No hamster socket dance.
15. 'Fuckbunnies' isn't a whole lot better.
16. Do not forget to stop wearing the deely-boppers when we've got reseller agents coming to see what fault resolution looks like from this side.
17. While internal notes are allowed to be geeky, it is advisable to check if the note you're writing is internal or not. There will be no mutterings about 'fault tracker is still dead'. There will be mutterings about 'fault tracker still shagged'.
18. The proper response to someone consistently getting your name wrong is not calling them by a different name every time you take them off hold. Even though it is really funny.
19. The appropriate response to someone being a chauvinistic fuck is not to...actually, scratch that. When encountering a chauvinistic fuck of any description, I am to deal with them in any way that I see fit. As long as I remain professional.
20. We really mean it about the dance.
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no subject
Date: 2009-11-17 04:46 pm (UTC)In Mark Carwardine's 'Last Chance To See' book[1] he describes Stephen Fry as cursing "A hundred boiling arses!" at one point *g*
[1] Highly recommended and as good as the Douglas Adams one in nearly every way[2]
[2] Except not having DNA there too