I am a healthy and well-adjusted human being, honestly.

[sessifet]

I'm occasionally bloody angry at my ex and how he treated me and allowed his parents to have a say in our lives. However, I firmly believe that the best revenge is living well, and I don't tend to wish bodily harm upon him^*.

It's just that sometimes I wish I had a herd of pet mastodons to unleash. I would send them over to The Netherlands to lurk in the bushes. Then when he left work or the pub (or, even better, his parents' place) there'd be this cry of 'Mastodon ho!' and the whole herd would bear down with thunderous footfalls and trumpeting. And then it'd be on the news: 'Sad bachelor man and his incredibly nosy and co-dependent parents had to spend their night in a tree after being chased there by mastodons'. Hopefully there'd be a shaky mobile phone recording of a young mastodon jumping up and down in glee on his car. And then I'd laugh like a hyena.

...

It appears I still have some anger issues to work out.

^*His parents? Different story. They were older and, in their own words, wiser. They should have damned well known better. I wish them a lifetime of stepping on legos in the dark.

Comments

[jester-uk.livejournal.com]

I hate my brain and what it did with the words "Mastodon ho"

[cat63.livejournal.com]

And you just had to share, didn't you? Grrr! :)

[celticwitch-0.livejournal.com]

Oh now if you had a pet Mastodon army, I could use some to be unleashed in parts of Cambridgeshire and Somerset *grins*

[ciciaye.livejournal.com]

I'd like some mastodons too, if you're having them. I could release them on the Head of the Staff and Finance Committee of Blaby Parish Council, who made sure I was kept out of the job I had been successfully doing for a long time. They wouldn't need to do anything to her, just make sure they rip up her precious 'Blaby Car Boot Sale' banners with their tusks!

[flexor.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be a pedan, but it's Mastodont.

Ware! Ware! Mûmak!

Where Mûmak? There Mûmak!

[yady.livejournal.com]

Not according to Wikipedia. Not in English, anyway. In Dutch it is.

[martinoh.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't worry too much about the anger issues.

Yesterday you were contemplating glueing rusty keys to a mirror for its pleasing decorative effect. Fantasising about a herd of vengeful pet mastodons seems quite benign by comparison...

[da-pol.livejournal.com]

*provides a plentiful supply of 4 sided dice to scatter around his parents floors*

[the-hatstand.livejournal.com]

And upturned 13A plugs.

[happydisciple.livejournal.com]

AlmostBTDT.

The set of Allen keys, OTOH...

[aelfrics-cat.livejournal.com]

As revenge goes, though, that is frickin' awesome. I wholly support innovative, suprememly unexpected vengeance tactics. Lego and Mastodons, ho! xxx