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sessifetHad a conversation earlier this week and it has made me realise that I miss touching people. I used to be extremely tactile and I would not hesitate to touch someone's hand or shoulder. I'd run around being affectionate at people (though only if I knew/felt we were both comfortable with it). I stopped doing that. It's partly because these days touching someone makes it virtually impossible to block them out and I haven't quite managed that much fine control that I can lock that part of me down for the duration. Not that I want to, mind...
But mostly it's because of my recent realisation that, hey, I'm reasonably attractive and randomly showing affection can really send the wrong kinds of messages. I'm not proficient enough (yet?) at flirting and giving out the right signals so that awareness has made me stop touching. So I don't touch people that I really want to. It used to be effortless and without second thoughts, but now I think about it and I get scared and worried and I withdraw. I really don't like that.
I want to get back to the level of comfortable inside and with myself that I can kiss someone with it just being an affectionate gesture. Without worrying it's going cause odd looks or wrong thoughts or whatever.
I've no idea what this was leading to. Probably nothing much.
We'll just put it down to 'Waaah. Want physical contact. *grabby hands*'
But mostly it's because of my recent realisation that, hey, I'm reasonably attractive and randomly showing affection can really send the wrong kinds of messages. I'm not proficient enough (yet?) at flirting and giving out the right signals so that awareness has made me stop touching. So I don't touch people that I really want to. It used to be effortless and without second thoughts, but now I think about it and I get scared and worried and I withdraw. I really don't like that.
I want to get back to the level of comfortable inside and with myself that I can kiss someone with it just being an affectionate gesture. Without worrying it's going cause odd looks or wrong thoughts or whatever.
I've no idea what this was leading to. Probably nothing much.
We'll just put it down to 'Waaah. Want physical contact. *grabby hands*'
