I love my job. Also known as 'And now for your scheduled dose of surrealism'

[sessifet]

Sshhh. I have a secret.

Promise not to tell?

Yes?

Swear to [deity of choice]?

Yes?

Cross your [heart/spleen/left kidney]¹ and hope to [die/experience severe heartburn/be eaten by a grue]²?

Really?

Okay then...

BT control the copper network so that the aliens know what we're up to. They are spying on us via the phone sockets.

Truth.

Honest.

I have it on the best of authorities.³

But don't tell anyone, otherwise they come get us and do expirements on us.

¹Delete where inapplicable

²See 1.

³Well, so he told me.

I don't know about you lot, but I'm not going anywhere without my tinfoil hat from now on.