Mood - Day 4 [late]

[sessifet]

I'm not sure why I missed yesterday. Possibly because I'd already mentioned how I was doing elsenet. Still, I want to keep up with this so I can show myself (and possible mental health services) how I'm progressing or not.

Yesterday was an okay day. No headache (it's back this morning) and mostly dizziness. I didn't do much, except get into a discussion about eusociality on Facebook and hung out on IRC, which was fun. At this point, I can't say how much my (perceived?) increase in spoons is the meds already doing their work and how much is my cutting drinking by something like 80%.

Either way, I feel/think I'm having fewer moments of feeling stupid and worthless and I'm definitely not shouting at myself as much. That doesn't mean the thoughts have gone away or that I'm any better at dealing with them (when they're bad enough for me to notice, I still shout at myself), so that's going to require some kind of work.

I'm also waking up in the morning way before my alarm goes off and while I, as usual, wait for Alex to get into the shower before I get up*, I'm fairly with it (as much as can be expected of me in the morning) from then on.

And, most importantly: my friends are incredibly supportive, for which I am very grateful. I love you all.

* He's the morning vanguard. If he can get up without being eaten by something horrible, it's probably safe for me to get out of bed.

Comments

[arwen-lune.livejournal.com]

For me the meds don't make the bad thoughts go away, but they give me more.. grip, I guess? What would happen was thinking "I am going to stop gloom-and-dooming in circles now, I am going to think about lovely sailing" and then my jerkbrain would find a way to turn that into "HAHA, remember when you're aboard and you say stupid things and everybody secretly hates you and you can never go back aboard?"

(incidentally that 'nice thoughts being corrupted by jerkbrain' is my most solid indicator to switch to my higher winter dosage..)

The meds help to be able to say "No, fuck off jerkbrain, *I* say we are going to think about standing at the wheel in the sun and the rolling and knowing I am where I need to be" and.. well, that doesn't always work, but it does work a lot more often.

[sessifet25.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think that's pretty close to what I'm experiencing. I'm back to lying in bed and running (real or imaginary) conversations and scenarios in my head (I've always done that), but now I can move away more easily when it turns to "remember that horribly embarrassing thing you did that one time?".

[xidia.livejournal.com]

Are you being referred for counselling as well? That can help add extra techniques for telling the headweasels to fuck right off once the medication has tamed them enough.