Ramblings and Musings and Wibblings

Damn. What did you eat? Dead whale?

(In other words, stop yawning in my face and please go sit at the other end of the room. I swear, your breath could kill pixies.)

Dear Snowball,

running full tilt against the cellar door will not make me feed you any quicker. Neither will tripping over your own paws and falling down the cellar stairs. Doing this will only delay the glorious moment of foodness. Especially when you also manage to get yourself tangled up in the plastic bags lying on the cellar floor.

Now, kindly stop making me cry with laughter, okay? I'm not sure my sides can take anymore.

'Mrrrr?'

'No, you can not have my cheese toastie.'

'Mrrrr?'

'No, you can not have my cheese toastie.'

'Mrrrr?'

'No, you can not have my cheese toastie.'

'Mrrrr?'

'No, you can not have my cheese toastie.'

'Mrrrr?'

'No, you can not have my cheese toastie.'

I just trod on a mouse!

A live one!

It is now no longer alive.

And disturbingly flat.

And surrounded by an interesting splatter pattern.

And Snowball is staring at me like: 'Hey! I was going to eat that!'

And now I have to clean it up!

*runs of flailing madly*

Could you please stop yowling at the window? I am not your doorman.

Please?

No. I shan't open the window for you again. Grow some opposable thumbs if you want out that desperately.

Shut up!

Snowball? Get out of the christmas tree. Much obliged.

No, Kenny. It is not yet time for food.

No, seriously. Learn how to tell time. You're not getting any for at least another 3 hours.

Get your butt out of my face.

Oi! Surely my lap is big enough for the both of you? Oh. Evidently it isn't.

Could you please remove your claws from my nipple? Please? It hurts...thank you.

Snowball? Why are you sitting on my shoulder? Helloooo. Yes, I know you love me. I love you too. Could you get your nose out of my ear?

No! No food! It isn't time yet! And get your big hairy butt out of my face!

Snowball, get off the keyboard. Off. Good.

My cheese toastie. Mine. Get away.

Get. Off. The. Keyboard. Or I swear I'll...Thank you.

Please, play nice?

Nononono, play nice.

Biting him on the nadgers is not playing nice!

I know he doesn't have them anymore, but you do not bite each other there! How would you like it if...ah...see? That's doesn't feel nice, now does it?

Stop sulking. You only have yourself to blame.

Snowball! Get out of the bloody christmas tree!

Okay, okay! I'll open the bloody window! There. Happy? Bye now.

*drum roll*

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this amazing show!

We promise, nay guarantee, you an unforgettable, once in a lifetime experience!

For tonight, my dear friends, you will have the chance to watch the great master of Kitten-fu himself!

Give him a big hand, ladies and gentlemen, for here he is: The Great! The Wonderful! The Amazing...Fuzzball of Doom!

Watch in amazement how he performs his mindboggling feats of Cuteness!

Gasp in delight as you watch him employ the secret tactics of the ancient masters of Kitten-fu!

He will dazzle you!

He will enchant you!

He will hypnotise you!

( ... )

Can someone please explain to Snowball that mango, melon and poached pear don't belong in a cat's diet?

Snowball is being an absolute terror.

In the past half hour, he stole my cheese toastie, made off with the knife I'd used to make the cheese toastie, disappeared into the bin because apparently something in there smelled nice, drank hot chocolate, stole my embroidery project and hid it under the couch.

He's now sulking in my bookcase, and occasionally shoving books on the floor.

Anyone want a kitty?

Defrosted freezer. Yay! Clean floor too, though that was sort of a side effect. I am missing one bag of frozen gambas though...

I'm defrosting the freezer. In the past half hour, I've been visited by two cats in various stages of 'wet'. I wonder how they manage it. Are they sitting in the freezer?